Certain Restrictions May Apply.

Listen up, Thunderheads!!!

FOR ONE DAY ONLY – AND ON BEHEST AND BENEVOLENCE OF THE QUEEN – THE SELECTERY’S DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC RELATIONS IS PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE A LOTTERY OF MAGNANIMOUS PROPORTIONS!

THIS FESTIVUS EVE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, AT PRECISELY FIVE STROKES TO MIDNIGHT — QUEEN ERELLIA OF HOUSE THEIRRY WILL DRAW TWO NAMES FROM INSIDE THE GOLDEN TUMBLER!

BE THE FIRST TO WITNESS THIS EXTRAORDINARY EVENT!  TWO WINNERS, TWO NAMES, AND THE PRIZE NOTHING SHORT OF A DREAM COME TRUE!! —  A SEAT AT NEXT YEAR’S SELECTERY SELECTIONS!

SO FILL YOUR FORMS OUT NOW!  BECAUSE THAT WINNER COULD BE YOU!

Sounds like the Needle is up to another one of their cheesy PR stunts, doesn’t it?  And to that I would say, “Duhhhhh!”  What do you expect from an agency that’s seriously trying to save face?  That’s right; I said it – save face!  Why else would the Selectery be making such an offer on the heels of their worst debacle in 1500 years?

Wait.  You honestly haven’t heard?  Where have you been, off-world??

Well pull up a chair!!  I mean, come on, what good is dirt if you can’t dish it.

Now the details are sketchy, but what’s clear is that two letters of acceptance did leave the Needle and were issued to the same applicant.  And that’s the rub; it should never have happened.  The Selectery’s system of selection is supposed to be foolproof.  Applications come in, they get sorted, and then they undergo a very thorough and rigorous review, which can last months and thousands of man-hours to do.  There are only so many slots, you know – the Hammerfeld is due its share of cadets, Glimmeroc theirs, the Qiverhold, and so on – all the Thunders are promised only the best candidates for the quota they have to fill.   So when this happens – and it never has – it throws a real kink in the works, and worse, it brings the whole process into question.  And when the process is questioned, so is the agency whose mission it is to carry it out, i.e. the Needle.  That casts doubt on everything, the government holding the purse strings and by extension the Queen.

And voila!!!  That’s how you end up with an announcement of magnanimous proportions.  I suppose I shouldn’t be so cynical.  They could be throwing bread in the streets instead.   But they’re not; they’re offering a seat at the table.  It’s quite brilliant when you think about it: Distract the public with something else that’s never been done.

But I’d do it.  I admit it.  Wouldn’t you?  Watch how it all happens, see how they decide who gets into what Thunder.  Granted, they’d probably bind us to secrecy till kingdom comes.  But still, it’s a seat at the table.  I know whole towns that would give their right arm for such a chance.

The night before Festivus, huh??   I don’t suppose any of you know how to rig a Golden Tumbler?

INKLING # 16:

What is the Seven Thunders?  It is the Needle, the place from which all the colored envelopes come.  So hold your breath and say your prayers!  Because who knows…  this Spring the mailman just might have something for you.